I looked back. And was shocked.
2022 the year we learn to listen to love
Week 47--in which we stop and look back at what happened in 2022--and are startled
Friends, soul writers, mystics, witches, and lovers of prayer,
Do you know who’s most surprised by what happens in my intensives?
You might assume that because:
- I’m the one who creates my events—often in response to a middle-of-the-night urging…
- and I work intensely with my partners to develop transformative mystical content
- and I write detailed descriptions for my website that invite you to register…
- and I record bonus videos on my own and with my partners…
- and I write all the handbooks…
- and I develop all the teaching outlines and make all the slides…
That I should know what will happen in my intensives. Or that, as the stale saying dictates: “I should begin with the end in mind.”
I do not.
I do not begin with a particular end in mind. If I did, that would cut off the magic, the wild possibility, the ecstatic individual discoveries.
I do not know what will happen.
And I don’t want to know what will happen.
Why would I?
If I already know the road, the path, the outcome, and all the steps we’ll take to get there, then I’m not creating a prayer intensive. I’m not inviting you to join me in the Theatre of the Miraculous. I’d just be offering one more self-help formulaic class. And the world does not need or want any more false pablum that promises to bring you happiness or success or prosperity in X-amount of easy steps.
After 25 years of deep soul writing and 14 years of inviting people to drop into The Mystic with me, I am crystal clear about one thing: I do not have your answers.
And furthermore, no one else does either.
No teacher, no guru, no famous author, no workshop that promises to “peel back the curtain,” or “reveal for the first time,” or “let you in on the secret.” That’s all just marketing speak—marketing designed to irritate that insidious patriarchal lie that you are not good enough as you are. In fact, you’re so far from good enough, that you simply must get this thing, or buy this program, or begin this spiritual practice….
I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know.
If you read these Notes from the Field every Sunday, I’m pretty sure you are interested in some of the things that set my heart to singing:
- deep soul writing
- deep dives into The Mystic
- the power of original prayer
- the return of the sacred feminine
- the magic of communing with the ancestors
- the healing that comes as we restore the truth about witches
- the wonder of astrology and the wild synchronicity of numerology
- and the sweet freedom that comes when we break away from the painful constraints of patriarchy and step into our own authority.
If those things excite you, then I’m pretty sure you know who has your answers. You do.
Maybe not your conscious, linear-thinking, achievement-driven, goal-setting self.
But your deep self, your soul self, your mystic self. Your witch self. That self knows. She knows why you’re here and she knows what is waiting for you to discover.
And she knows life is not about finding the right answer. It was never about answers.
Chasing answers is patriarchal conditioning.
Chasing answers repeats the lie that if we just work a little bit harder, we might get an A in life. But here’s the reality: the patriarchal system is never going to give us an A. Because the patriarchal system never wants us to be finished seeking improvement. Because, if we were finished with seeking improvement, we’d stop buying things. And patriarchy, at its core, is all about turning us into consuming machines. Profit-producing, consuming machines.
So it’s a radical thing, a wildly radical, anti-patriarchal thing to remember that your deep self knows that magic, wonder, wisdom, beauty, and truth are already inside you.
Waiting. Waiting to be seen and heard and brought to life. And it’s always a surprise. A rather delightful surprise.
That’s what happened to me this week as I stepped into the Look Back exercise in our first week of The Lotus and the Lily.
I’ve led this week of looking back for 12 years. Each year experimenting a bit with ways to do it.
Then, as 2020, the first year of Covid and quarantine was coming to an end, Emma Kupu brought us a radical and exciting way to look back by walking a finger labyrinth for each month and listening, just listening, as January, then February, and each of the months sang their special songs.
This is the third year we’ve walked small labyrinths for each month. So you’d think I’d know what was going to happen. But I was flabbergasted.
Stunned into silence when February revealed her song, her deep meaning.
We did January together in the first gathering last Monday. And January’s song was a bit of a surprise, not in the meaning of the month, but in the sweet elegant way she named herself.
On Wednesday, I sat in my soul writing chair with my February calendars and journals around me and began to make a list of what happened. WOAH. February was wild. February was full of intense adventures. Much more than I initially remembered.
As I turned the pages in my journal, I kept finding things to add to my list.
- February was the month Re-membering the Songlines of the Witches mystery school began to take form.
- With the help of a profound Tarot reading with Sabin Bailey, I began to see that everything was in a hex form.
- I got a wild message from Lilith through Cathy Pratt. (a story for another day.)
- I met the daemon thief of America in a meditation with Rabbi Tirzah Firestone in our Pluto Reckonings event. And he confessed his sins and begged for another chance.
- And I listened intently throughout the intensive Free Your Voice, with Cameron Altaras, who showed us how patriarchy is based on the original lie about a woman committing the original sin.
- And I had an intense dream about a white crocodile (which just this week is beginning to reveal its meaning.)
It was a profound month.
But the biggest surprise in my looking back came when I turned the page in my journal to February 12.
I had completely forgotten, but on that day I took an workshop with Sharon Blackie on the legend of the Grail.
Sharon spoke at length about various Grail legends, bringing our attention to three Grail questions.
The primal one, the one that changes everything is “What ails thee?”
This is the question Percival failed to ask the Fisher King, whose leg was bleeding throughout a feast. And because he failed to ask it, the castle disappeared and Percival was left to wander the forest hoping to find it again.
An old witch (it’s always a wise witch in all the great stories) berates Percival for not asking the king the rather obvious question: “What ails thee?”
Sharon reminded us that the Grail Legend is a pre-christian story that was kidnapped and twisted into a story about the blood of Jesus being secreted away somewhere.
This oldest of stories, Sharon told us, is actually the story of the contract between the sacred feminine and her land. A contract that must be continually renewed by the community and by each one of us. The cup, Sharon said, is the ever-full cup of abundance.
The Grail, she said, is the cup of sovereignty. The cup of divine feminine sovereignty.
Why weren’t we taught this in school?
Because, Sharon said: You must remember that history is written by the victors.
“History is a fiction written by the victors for propaganda purposes.”
When my list of all that happened in February was ready, I invited February to listen as I slowly walked a simple finger labyrinth, speaking my list aloud.
When I got to the center, I sat in silence for a minute or two, and sure enough, February sang her song. A song that startled me. A song I could never have made up on my own. And a song I could never have known if I hadn’t taken the time to look back.
Here is February’s song:
What ails thee woman?
What ails all women?
The lie. Their whole vast garden of lies.
Walk the labyrinth of Re-membering the Songlines of the Witches and the witches will re-member you back to your true essence, your beauty.
You are the Grail.
I have not recovered from the shock of February's reminder that I, and you, are the Grail.
As you read this blog on Sunday, I’ll be inviting March and April and the rest of this wild year to sing their songs.
And then, tomorrow, Monday, I’ll gather with everyone in The Lotus and the Lily and we’ll walk the classic medieval Chartres cathedral labyrinth to listen to 2022 sing her song.
I have NO idea what that will be, but I am listening!
Would you like to look back at 2022 and listen for the deep meaning, the holy meaning of this wild year that is coming to a close?
If you'd like to have this experience in community, you are welcome to join us.
Registration is still open but will close on Tuesday.
Members will have access to all the materials and recordings for six months. But this intensive will not be available on demand.
We gather in the Theatre of the Miraculous for five Mondays from 7-9:15pm Eastern: November 14, 21, 28, December 5, 12.
We also have a UK/EU Watch Party on Wednesdays at 7pm UK/ 8pm EU on November 16, 23, 30, December 7, 14.
Everything is recorded and available for viewing within 24 hours.
We meet one final time on Sunday, January 8 at 2pm Eastern to share and celebrate our mandalas. It's a joy-filled mystical party of the highest order!
Come and play in the mystical magical waters of The Lotus and The Lily.
to looking back in wonder and awe at the year we have been living
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