It is only the 13th and this precious month of October has already pulled back the veil on dozens of things that we have tried so hard to bury. To push down. To ignore.
Under the dirty fog of patriarchy, we have been ordered to look away. To not see what we see. And for years we complied. But no more. Now it's time to:
- see what our governments are really doing—for profit
- see immigrant children suffering in detention camps—for profit
- see all the “holy men” protecting pedophiles—for what, good god, for what?
- see the relentless destruction of Mother Earth—for profit
- see the poisoning of our food—for profit
- and see the truth of our own lives
There is no more important question right now than, “What have I been unwilling to see?”
I love this question more than any other. Because it is the question that woke me up. It is the question that ended my marriage. The question that birthed deep soul writing. The question that awakened my divine destiny.
And, it is the question that keeps on giving.
I revisited this sacred question all this past week. Last Sunday, October 6, was the 16th anniversary of my ex-husband’s death in calendar years.
Wednesday was Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the Jewish liturgical year. And the holiest day in my life even though I was not raised Jewish. Yom Kippur, the day of atonement, is the day my ex-husband’s soul chose to end his life story.
So this past week was the double anniversary of his—our—very difficult story. But maybe, just maybe, it is the story of real soul mates.
If you’ve read Writing Down Your Soul, you know how momentous this anniversary is.
If there were no ex-husband, there would be no Janet. There would be no prayer artist, no deep soul writing. No prayer intensives. No new books (and oh boy are there new books coming). There would be no They Are All Our Children prayer practice. No Goddess Rising. No Praying at the Speed of Love podcast.
Everything I am, everything I have become, everything I will be, began when I finally took my blinders off.
When I finally stopped trying so hard to maintain the happy family fantasy. When I finally began to see what I had been unwilling to see.
So this past week was sacred. I was completely quiet. Never left the house. I put my ex-husband’s ashes in the middle of the living room and spent a whole week with him. A whole week talking with him. A whole week praying. A whole week in outrageously deep soul writing. A whole week remembering his pain. Our pain.
And a whole week honoring all the ways in which he has atoned. And atoned. And atoned.
I basically spent a whole week revisiting the sacred question, “What have I been unwilling to see?”
I did not come up with this question. It was given to me. And I’m certain it was a divine gift.
As the divorce began, a very wise therapist said, "You are beginning to see what you have been unwilling to see."
I thought at first that meant I was finally willing to see that he was having an affair with his secretary. But when I took that question onto the page in my nascent practice of deep soul writing, I was shocked at what began to pour out of the pen.
I followed where the writing wanted to take me. Even though it was painful to see all the ways in which I consciously and willfully looked the other way rather than name what I saw and confront it.
In my relationship. And not just with my husband. With everything. And everyone. Friends. Religion. Parents. Bosses. Money. Work. Home. Beliefs. Politics. Education. My body. My health. My whole belief system. My every thought…
And with that question, my birth began.
It’s been an emotional week. Filled with mourning. Tears. Regrets. Celebrations. Thanksgiving. Forgiveness. Even new commitments.
Until finally, on Yom Kippur, 16 years after his death, I could whisper in his ear: "Only love is spoken here."
I tell you this story because today is a perfect day to open your own eyes. To begin to see. To choose to begin to see.
Because today, October 13, is a powerful full moon. In Aries. It matters that it’s in Aries.
Aries is both a fire sign (and fire will burn everything away until we can’t help but see the ground) and it is the first sign in the zodiac.
So we are in a 1 energy inside a 1 month. It’s all a taste of not just the rest of this year, or even 2020, it is, according to my goddess moon-guide, Emma Kupu Mitchell, a taste of the next decade of your life!
As always, my intensives come at the perfect time without my planning or knowing just how perfect the timing is. In one month, we will step into the annual alchemical ritual of The Lotus and The Lily in which we look back at the life we created in 2019, honoring all gifts and releasing all unforgiveness, in order to birth a truly beautiful life in 2020.
2020. Do you see it?
2020 is the year of perfect vision! The year we finally see clearly who we are and why we are here and what we are called to create together.
Begin now, in this precious 1 month, under the bright light of the full Aries moon, by asking yourself the life-changing question, “What have I been unwilling to see?”
to taking off our blinders and seeing what is, that we may transform it into love,
PS: Mary Magdalene as the Black Madonna opened last Monday and OH BOY are we ever learning to see. You can still join us.
PSS: They Are All Our Children is an ongoing prayer of forgiveness to close the internment camps
PSS: Come and listen to Praying at the Speed of Love. New episode coming this Thursday with Kimberly Marooney and the Angels